- Hey man youre like 20 minutes late , what the hell took you so long?

- When I was leaving the university I got talking to this girl.

- Oh? Was she hot?

- She was cute

- Ah, thats even better than hot, you know I prefer cute girls, they seem more friendly and innocent. hot girls just seem plain slutty

- I totally agree

- So did you get her number or a date or something?

- No

- Why not?

- I dont really want a girlfriend

- Why not?

- Because if I get a girlfriend then I have to spend time with her that I dont have. You know what its like I got University, plus work, plus I got to do Brain Pot stuff with you, theres just no time.

- I see

- The only reason why I would want a girlfriend is to get my mom off of my back.

- Why? Whats her problem?

- She thinks Im gay.

- She thinks youre gay!!

- Yup

- Why does she think youre gay?

- Because I dont have a girlfriend.

- Yea but you have had a girl friend before

- She doesnt care She kind of holds it against me.

- Why would she hold it against you?

- Because my last girlfriend

- looked like a man?

- Yea, because she looked like a man.

- So what! At least she WAS a woman she had breasts, and, well, I wouldnt know about the other part. But she was a woman right?

- Yea but my mom doesnt seem to care.

- what does she say?

- James Im worried about you! You dont have a girlfriend, you show no interest in girls, and theres no way that any some of mine is going to be gay

- What do you say?

- Remind her that I had a girlfriend, then she says, But she looked like a man James! Youre gay I know it!

- Shit, well there might be other ways to get her off of your back with out actually getting a girlfriend.

- Like what?

- Leave porn on the computer for her to find.

- Na, shell probably think that Im watching it for the naked men,

- Then leave lesbian porn on youre computer.

- You know my mom, shell think Im gay because Im watching lesbian porn.

- That makes no sense

- neither does my mom.

- Leave a playboy laying around

- Shell think its my dads then end up divorcing him over it or something. I dont want that to happen, and I know it will.

- Damn Then have her catch you masturbating while looking at the play boy, cant go wrong there!

- (thinks about it) I dont know if I want to put my mother and myself through that kind of tramua.

- But it would work in the long run.

- No in the long run my mom would end up in a padded cell, or end up a lesbian herself. I would totally turn her off of the male race.

- How about this, you pay a prostitute to pose as your girlfriend that way you have no long term commitments and you can have sex with her as well.

- Thats the stupidest thing Ive ever heard.

- Well at least Im trying to help you out here.

- No! Youre trying to give me STDs!

- Fine then, Im not helping you anymore! Maybe you are gay

- What?!

- She did look like a man.

- Shut up!

- And her name was Jeff

- So!

- Her voice was kind of deep.

- So!

- Did her moustache tickle when you kissed her?

- She didnt have a moustache!

- I know, I just added that in for the hell of it.

- Youre an asshole.

- Did she use Old Spice deodorant by any chance?

- Fuck off, Im leaving.

- Come on, I wasnt making fun of you! I was making fun of it! You do it all the time Did you have to put the condom on her?

 

                   Adam Johnstone/James Rogers