First is the AFTER SHOWER: This as it states takes place after or during a shower or other H2O related activities ie. Swimming, or a sauna, when you realize that you must go to the wash room. Once the subject is on the disposal unit the delivery is rather loud and moist do to the sogginess of the skin. Upon completion the individual proceeds to sanitize, quickly finding that the disposal paper, sticks to the moist area and becomes balled up into little clumps with in the anal sphincter opening, causing the subject to manually pick out the balls with his finger tips, or other plier like tools.
Next off is the CLING ON OR CLIFFHAGER: Of which there is no problems during the delivery, which at sometimes can be rather pleasant, but the afterwards cleaning becomes very difficult. This is because the excrements have gripped on to a minimum, but not a limit of two tiny hairs on your rump. They dangle approximately two inches above the surface of the water below, the subject then begins to wiggle and shake as to loosen the entremets grip of the hairs, often this doesnt work, resulting in the removal of the hairs from the roots causing slight discomfort.
Now we move on to the EXPOSION: Simply put this is an EXPLOSION. Over all the process only takes one or two seconds. The subject releases the waste in a furry of hard loud chunks. This usually results in spray and splash back and requires several minutes of recovery and clean up. Do to the aggressive spreading of the skin the cleaning process leads to slight discomfort, and often bleeding, anal leakage, and the purchasing of preparation H.
Under the F category we have the FOOTLONG: This is best described as a 12 inch long, half inch diameter cylinder, passing through your rectum. The process of having it pass through often takes much effort and patient devoted time, to the point where you think that it will never end. The subject must keep applying constant pressure to make sure that it doesnt break off, if it does he will have to start all over again. When it finally is over there is a small celebration followed up by having to take a coat hanger or stick to break apart your own fesses as to make sure it doesnt clog the disposal unit.
Lastly for todays presentation we have the GRAPFRUIT. This one is as it states has approximate the same size of a grape fruit, being six inches round, do to its spherical shape the process is aero dynamic and very short but extremely painful. Once upon hitting the water below the heavy weight of the grapefruit causes the largest splash back of any other kind of defecation, leading to more cleaning of water off of your buttocks checks than actual fesses.
That is all for the demonstration today, please read pages 60 to 70 on constipation in your urban waste management text book, and prepare your self for the test week.
Adam Johnstone/James Rogers