Hes From Newfoundland
(Dad and son are standing around while dad gets ready.)
Son- So dad, whos this guy whos coming over
Dad- His name is Berkley, and guess what ?
Son- What?
Dad- Hes from Newfound Land!
Son- So...
Dad- Yea, he should be here any minute now. And dont you go and hide in the basement. You stay up here and meet him.
Son- Can I go back downstairs after I meet him ?
Dad- Sure, but youre meeting him first.
Knock on the door.
Dad- Oh, that must be him now.
Answers the door.
Hey Berkley, hows it going. I want you to meet my son. Son this is Berkley, from Newfound Land!.
Son- Hi
Berkley- Hi kid.
Son- Bye
Berkley- Bye kid.
Son runs down into the basement. Berkley and Dad sit down.
Dad- So how was it on the way here ?
Berkley- Good.
Dad- Good traffic ?
Berkley- Yea, good traffic.
Long pause they sit and dont talk, they look like theyre trying to think of something to talk about.
Berkley- I was in this bar once, and I think that I had too much drink or something, but all these people were paying me to dance
Gets up and starts dancing.
And I was dancing like this, I was dancing all night long.
Son comes up and calls his dad. His dad comes and son starts whispering to him.
Son- Dad, I think you should stop him from dancing.
Dad- Why?
Son- Im sitting in the basement and I look above me and I see the floor caving in because hes jumping on it.
Dad- Its OK hes from Newfound Land.
Son- So.
Dad- You heard me.
Son- OK fine, Im going to bed.
Dad- OK then, good night son.
Son- Yea whatever.
Son goes to bed kind of pissed off.
Dad goes back and sits with Berkley. They start talking (Improv) Berkley starts laughing really loud. Son gets up and calls his dad, dad goes to him.
Son- Dad, cant you quiet that guy down, hes too loud, I cant sleep.
Dad- Its OK son, hes from Newfound Land.
Son- Who cares if...
Dad- Why dont you sit down with Berkley, and get to know him a little better.
Son- Do I have to.
Dad- Yes
pushes son towards Berkley. Son sits down with Berkley. They have a difficult conversation (Improv) Berkley ends up telling a bad joke, and the son doesnt laugh, Berkley gets mad and starts choking him. Dad comes in and starts laughing.
Son- Dad help ! get him off me!
Dad- Its OK hes from Newfound Land.
Son- I dont care!
Berkley stops choking him
Berkley- Oh, Im just choking with you kid... Ha Ha choking, get it.
Dad- Laughing Look son hes funny. Now lets all sit down and have a drink.
Berkley- So Gill wheres the wife, wouldnt mind fondling her Ha Ha
Son- Stands up and is very angry. My mother died last month you...
Dad- Newfound Land!
Son sits down and the dad and Berkley start talking (Improve) and Dad and Berkley come to a disagreement. They begin arguing, and Berkley starts pushing around the dad. Berkley gets on top of the dad but the dad holds him off. The son tries to stop berkley.
Dad- Dont you dare touch him son hes from Newfound Land.
Berkley- Newfound Land ? Why do you keep saying Im from Newfound Land.
Dad- Yea, arent you from Newfound Land ?
Berkley- No Ive lived here my whole life
Dad- So, youre not from Newfound Land?
Berkley- No.
Dad- Get the hell out of my house !
Dad kicks Berkley out of the house.
© Adam Johnstone with improv by James Rogers, and with the inspirtation of Gill Busch
